How to minimize conflict and strengthen relationships

Discussions are ongoing.
Conversations that end in defense, interruptions or total silence.
Conflicts that could have been avoided if only someone truly listened.

This is where active listening makes all the difference.

Most think they already do

Many say: “I hear what you're saying.”
But it's not active listening.
It's a phrase often used to finish -- not to understand.

Active listening is a skill. Not a courtesy.

It requires awareness, presence and curiosity -- and that's something that can be trained.

What active listening is not

It's not about:

🚫 To prepare your next counter-argument
🚫 Waiting for your turn to talk
🚫 To explain yourself better
🚫 To “win” the conversation

When you do that, you're not listening -- you're positioning yourself.

What active listening is

It is about:

✔️ To be fully present
Drop the thoughts of what to say afterwards.
Be present. Listen with the intention to understand, not to respond.

✔️ Using your body language
Nod, make eye contact and show with mimicry and posture that you are in.
The small signals make a huge difference to the person who speaks.

✔️ Asking curious, in-depth questions
Ask: “Can you say a little more about that?”
Summarize: “So what you're saying is... Did I understand that right?”
It builds trust and shows that you actually hear what they are saying.

Why it works

When you listen actively, three things happen:

1. You create psychological security
   According to Amy Edmondson, professor at Harvard Business School and author of the book The Fearless Organization, it is precisely the experience of being listened to and taken seriously that creates the courage to invite in, take chances and participate actively in communities. If people don't feel heard, they shut down -- and innovation and collaboration suffer.
2. You avoid misunderstandings
   You're responding to what's actually being said -- not what you think is being said.
   That means fewer conflicts and more clarity.
3. You make it easier to achieve your goals
   When the other feels understood, they become more open to your angle.
   It is precisely this mechanics, which is also highlighted by Chris Voss, former FBI negotiator and author of Never Split the Differencewhere active listening is a key tool in high-tension negotiations.

Don't just listen to answer — listen to understand

We often listen to find holes in other people's arguments, or to find out when it is ours turn to say something wise.
But relationships and results are not created through strategic lines — they are created through Presence and understanding.

Don't listen to answer. Listen to understand.

It will change your relationships, and it will make you a better colleague, leader, negotiator -- and human being.

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