When a No Is the New Yes: A Negotiation Technique That Works

In negotiations and communication, it is customary to strive to get a “yes” from the counterparty. But what if seeking a “no” is actually more effective?

Why a “yes” can create resistance

When we ask someone to say “yes,” we often activate their defense mechanisms. A “yes” implies commitment and can make the other party feel pressured to take a position on something they may not be ready for. This can lead to resistance and uncertainty.

Example:

“Shall we have a cup of coffee one day?”

This approach can make the counterparty think:

• “Do I have time for that?”
• “What do I get out of it?”
• “What does he/she really want?”

These issues can create uncertainty and resistance.

Reverse the question of: Seek a “no”

Instead of seeking a “yes,” it may be more effective to phrase the question so that the opposing party can say “no” without feeling threatened.

Example:

“Would it be totally crazy if the two of us went for a cup of coffee one day?”

This approach allows the opposing party to say “no” in a way that actually means “yes”. It reduces the pressure and makes it easier for them to accept the proposal.

The Psychology Behind: Tactical Empathy

This technique is based on the concept of tactical empathy, which is about understanding and acknowledging the feelings and perspectives of the counterpart. By allowing them to say “no”, you show respect for their autonomy and create a more open and trusting communication.

Application in practice

Next time you want to get an agreement in house, consider phrasing your question so that the opposing party can say “no” in a way that actually means “yes.” This can be particularly effective in negotiations, where it is important to reduce resistance and create a sense of control on the part of the other party.

Example:

Instead of, “Can we meet on Tuesday?”

Try: “Would it be a bad idea to meet on Tuesday?”

This approach can make it easier for the opposing party to accept the proposal without feeling pressured.

Final Thoughts

Allowing the opposing party to say “no” may seem counterintuitive, but it is an effective way to reduce resistance and create more productive negotiations. By applying tactical empathy and understanding the psychology behind decision making, you can improve your communication skills and achieve better results in your negotiations.

Try this technique the next time you face an important conversation or negotiation — you might be surprised at how effective it is.

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